Disclaimer: Any resemblance to any character whether living or dead is purely coincidental.
The conversation listed below is strictly confidential; on second thoughts, it never took place at all. What is love anyway?!
The saffron baboons sit down in to discuss the latest and pressing issues in order to have uplift the country and its people
Saffron Baboons: Good Morning everyone, let’s start formulating a policy on what is the latest threat to the preservation of our culture and our values and will serve as a pathway to a better functioning democracy.
“Sir, we now have a thing called the Valentine’s week! There are people who are actually planning to celebrate it!”
SB: Celebrate?! How dare they?! Why should they celebrate it?! It is a complete waste of time! It is this Western philosophy introduced by the greeting card companies to make a market for themselves in India! Such a crass display of immoral behaviour. All these boys and girls running around together with roses and chocolates.This is what happens when they allow girls to drink beer. We should ban it, ban it all. All this younger generation and their philosophy, acting like Padmavati. The movies, roses, this running around and disgracing our public spaces. Just ban all of it.
“But Sir, we’re the second most populous country in the world, surely there is something going on in the homes of the people that needs to be addressed ?”
SB :Exactly! We’re ten times more populated than most countries; if we allow people to go around showing love to each other, imagine the outcome.
“Sir, all of you are married; wouldn’t your wife also like to celebrate a day of love?”
SB: We are married. What is the need of love? Look at these youngsters-disgracefully showing love in public like that! Holding hands, talking, laughing- all before getting married! Do you see us married people hugging and laughing? Of course not! What is there to laugh about?
“Sir, isn’t all of this a natural phenomenon?”
SB: There is nothing natural about it! All of this is just Western nonsense. People in America might fall in this love-shav. All of that is just this Western pollution which will ruin our younger generation. How can two consenting adults fall in love?! Look at my wife- I knew that I would marry her the minute my Uncle saw her.
“Sir what about our Thajuraho (Name changed to protect people from obscenity) Temple Sir?”
SB: Oh, that is surely the work of the foreign invaders trying to portray us as immoral people. This is all part of their conspiracy to rewrite our history and paint us as crass people. We don’t engage in such things.
“So Sir, to sum it up-should we simply ban the sentiment of love altogether?”
SB: How many time will I have to repeat myself?! Let’s just ban this day once and for all. No day to celebrate love. No falling in love. No boys and girls meeting and laughing and hugging. Better still, let’s make it a crime. We already have our moral cops to put people in place. We’ll get them married or simply arrest them. Why don’t we start taxing it? As it is, this GST has created so much confusion, no one will notice. We have stayed silent too long and let this destroy our culture. In fact, we should arrest anyone even talking about love. Anyway, what were we even talking about?
“Ummmm.Nothing Sir. Pyaarekdhokhahai.”