In a move that redefines institutional apathy, Army Institute of Law, Mohali, has unilaterally evicted 50% of its senior-most batch from hostels, breaking years of precedent without warning, consultation, or remorse. This comes alongside reckless expansion: the new B.Com. LL.B course and inflated batch strengths (180 students) have turned the campus into a claustrophobic nightmare, where overcrowded mess halls, inadequate classrooms, and now mass evictions are the new normal. The administration’s sole response? A coldly-worded email invoking a dubious “merit” system, one that penalizes reappears, protests, and even minor infractions while offering zero meaningful assistance to displaced students.
Given this pattern of authoritarian decision-making, we propose a radical update to AIL’s official documentation. Below, for the benefit of future batches and the amusement of the legal community, we present The Constitution of AIL Mohali a satirical but painfully accurate reflection of how the college actually operates. Perhaps the next brochure should print it verbatim. After all, transparency is key… even when it’s damning.
THE CONSTITUTION OF THE ARMY INSTITUTE OF LAW, MOHALI
PREAMBLE:
We, the exploited students of the Army Institute of Law, Mohali, in order to form a more dysfunctional academic union, establish administrative injustice, ensure chronic overcrowding, promote arbitrary hostel evictions, and secure the profits of unchecked expansion unto ourselves and our future batches, do hereby proclaim and establish this mockumentary Constitution of AIL Mohali.
ARTICLE 1: THE RIGHT TO OVERCROWDING
1(1): Unchecked Expansion Without Infrastructure
The Administration shall possess the sole and supreme authority to admit unlimited students into the institute, regardless of whether the campus can physically or logistically accommodate them. The following principles shall guide this sacred duty:
- Batches shall increase exponentially (80 → 100 → 120 → 180 →?), while classrooms, hostels, and common spaces shall remain unchanged.
- No prior consultation with students, parents, or faculty is required before introducing new courses (e.g., B.Com. LL.B).
- Complaints regarding space constraints shall be dismissed as “lack of adjustment skills.”
1(2) – The Doctrine of Sardine-Packing
All students shall be compressed into the smallest possible spaces, in accordance with the following guidelines:
- Classrooms shall function as human storage units, with seating arrangements that defy the laws of physics.
- The mess shall operate under stampede conditions, ensuring that only the fastest and most aggressive eaters survive.
- Hostel rooms, once a privilege of seniority, shall now be distributed via lottery, merit mysteriously calculated, or outright revoked.
ARTICLE 2: THE HOSTEL EVICTION ACT
2(1) – The Abolition of Seniority
The long-standing tradition of 5th-year students receiving single rooms shall be unilaterally terminated, because precedent is merely a suggestion. The Administration reserves the right to:
- Displace 50% of the senior-most batch without warning, because experience and institutional memory are overrated.
- Justify this betrayal under the guise of “merit-based allocation,” wherein merit is calculated via an opaque, deduction-heavy formula designed to punish reappears, minor infractions, and any form of dissent.
2(2) – The Mirage of Assistance
The Administration shall pay lip service to helping displaced students find alternate accommodation, while ensuring:
- No concrete steps are taken to secure safe or affordable PGs.
- Zero accountability for the financial and emotional burden imposed on students and parents.
- All responsibility shall be deflected with the phrase, “You are requested to make suitable arrangements.”
ARTICLE 3: THE PRINCIPLE OF ADMINISTRATIVE OMNIPOTENCE
3(1): The Administration shall exercise supreme authority in all matters concerning student welfare, reserving the exclusive right to implement sweeping policy changes without prior notice, meaningful consultation, or rational justification, thereby ensuring that every decision arrives as both an unwelcome surprise and an administrative fait accompli.
3(2): Any student who dares to question, critique, or express dissatisfaction with these unilateral decrees shall be deemed insubordinate and subjected to immediate disciplinary repercussions, including institutional gaslighting designed to reframe gross mismanagement as benevolent authoritarianism, thus preserving the Administration’s aura of infallibility while systematically eroding student morale.
3(3): The Administration shall further reinforce this culture of compliance by equating compliance with virtue and dissent with felony, ensuring that the student body remains too intimidated, exhausted, or disillusioned to mount any meaningful opposition to policies that prioritize bureaucratic convenience over basic dignity.
ARTICLE 4: THE CULTURE ERASURE CLAUSE
4(1) – The Systematic Destruction of Student Legacy
By removing more than 50% of the 5th years and 40% of the 4th years from hostels, the Administration ensures:
- Moot court seniors vanish overnight, leaving juniors unprepared.
- Placement guidance evaporates, because who needs mentors?
- Hostel traditions die, replaced by a transient, soulless commuter culture.
4(2) – The New AIL Motto
“We don’t build hostels. We don’t build futures. We build profit margins.”
ARTICLE 5: THE RIGHT TO BREAK CONTRACTS (Bare Act of the Indian Contracts Act 1872 is useless)
5(1) – The Principle of Retroactive Betrayal
All implied contracts between the administration and students, such as the guarantee of hostel accommodation for seniors shall be void the moment, they become inconvenient.
- Legal Irony: While students learn Carlill v. Carbolic Smoke Ball Co. (1 QB 256) in class, the administration shall demonstrate how to revoke legitimate expectations without notice.
- Precedent? Irrelevant. The only binding precedent is whatever the admin decides that morning.
5(2) – The Doctrine of Unilateral Amendments
Any policy, tradition, or promise may be altered overnight via email, with:
- No student representation.
- No grace period.
- No fucks given.
ARTICLE 6: THE FUNDAMENTAL RIGHT TO ARBITRARINESS
6(1) – Merit: A Mythical Concept
The administration shall weaponize “merit” as follows:
- Reappears? (-2 marks) Because struggling in an understaffed college is clearly the student’s fault.
- Minor infractions? (-3 marks) Failed to put your biometric on time = indiscipline.
- Major infractions? (-10 marks) Got into a fight? = rebellion.
6(2) – Article 14 of the Indian Constitution? Never Heard of Her.
While students study equality before law, the administration shall:
- Discriminate via opaque hostel allotment.
- Punish dissenters under the guise of “discipline.”
- Ignore all pleas for transparency.
Bonus Legal Paradox: AIL teaches Constitutional Law while functioning like a benevolent dictatorship.
ARTICLE 7: THE ANTI-CULTURE PROVISIONS
7(1) – The Eradication of Institutional Memory
By evicting more than 50% of 5th years, the administration ensures:
- Moot court teams collapse (Who needs seniors to teach drafting?)
- Placement prep vanishes (Figure it out yourselves, losers.)
- Hostel traditions die (No more “senior-junior bonding” just trauma bonding lol)
7(2) – The New Student Experience
- Juniors: Abandoned, untrained, and demoralized.
- Seniors: Homeless, bitter, and drafting LinkedIn posts titled “How AIL Failed Me.”
- Alumni: Laughing (then crying) from a distance.
ARTICLE 8: THE ADMINISTRATION’S IMMUNITY CLAUSE
8(1) – Zero Accountability
The administration shall never be held responsible for:
- Over-admission without infrastructure.
- Last-minute policy changes.
- Emotional distress caused by their incompetence.
8(2) – The Ultimate Gaslighting Technique
All problems shall be framed as:
- “Students’ inability to adapt.”
- “Unavoidable circumstances.”
- “You should’ve scored higher marks.”
FINAL CLAUSE: THE FUTURE OF AIL (A DYSTOPIAN PROPHECY)
- 2025: B. Com LL.B introduced. Hostels implode.
- 2026: Next batch = 280 students. Lecture halls now standing room only.
- 2027: All hostels converted to administrative offices. Students live in parking lot tents, defaulters may reside near the AIL Bush.
- 2030: AIL rebrands as “Army Institute of Landlords”.
AMENDMENT SUGGESTIONS (FOR THE DELUSIONAL OPTIMIST)
- Transparency in Policy Changes (Lol.)
- Student Representation in Decision-Making (Double lol.)
- Moratorium on Expansion Until Infrastructure Improves (Hysterical laughter.)
LAST WORDS: A MESSAGE TO THE ADMINISTRATION
You’ve taught us law. But you’ve mastered hypocrisy.
- Hope you enjoy the incoming NIRF ranking drop.
- Hope the alumni network remembers this when you beg for favours.
- Hope your B.Com LL.B students sue you for false advertising.
Signed,
The Students You Failed
(But Who Will Outshine You Anyway)
